


Drink in her soul it won't make you feel better

by ILoveMisha2



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Dean Winchester - Freeform, Feels, Hurt, Other, Season 8, Supernatural - Freeform, cas, destiel feelings, mentions of Dean Winchester - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-21
Updated: 2014-11-21
Packaged: 2018-02-26 12:36:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2652293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILoveMisha2/pseuds/ILoveMisha2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i can't think of a way to summarize this except it's about Cas and one of his siblings named Hester. I tried my best to be accurate going plainly on memory from the episode that inspired this, so just read it please. i believe this takes place in season 8 :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drink in her soul it won't make you feel better

**Author's Note:**

> I've noticed i don't have a lot of readers and that is fine but for those of you who do take the time to read my crap, thank you sooooooo much. i really appreciate it!

“You’ve fallen every way imaginable, Castiel!”

Was she right? Was she hitting the mark?

You don’t feel as if you’ve fallen in all ways, you do not feel at a loss for much. Not until you look into her pleading eyes.

You see her, you do, you see your sister begging for your return.

You see that she’s hurt, but what can you do? She believes that you’ve fallen, she believes you don’t care anymore because you let **_him_** break you.

You idly wonder what you do care about and how **_he_** could have broken you.

You see her, you do, but you can’t bring yourself to let her see you back.

She misses you, she pleads for her brother’s safe return.

She wants to know why, she wants to know what is so desirable as to fall a million different times in a million different ways.

She wants to understand because she loves you but she doesn’t want to hear.

How could she understand how much humanity means to you? How could she understand the feel of humanity under you touch, and the way it feels to count each freckle upon his face, or the way his green eyes light up when your around?

She could never understand that of Dean Winchester, but she doesn’t want to hear it. She only wants you to come home but you’ve come to the realization that **_he_ ** is your home.

You see her, you do, and you see what she sees, the fear and loss of losing a brother. You see her feel things she isn’t permitted to feel.

You wonder if she’s fallen too but in a different way.

You feel for her pain, you do, because you’ve become it for her but you cannot hear her pain because she has not fallen like you, like she accuses you of.

You see her eyes watering and you wonder if she’s amazed or shocked by the wet feeling in her eyes, if she’s worried she’s going to end up like you.

The cold set of her jaw reigns your thoughts back in as you realize she plans to hurt you.

You see her, you do, and you know she’s at a loss at what else to do. If you believed as she did like you used to, then you would be at a loss too.

The hits she graces you with are a last attempt to get through to you. You realize there is nothing to get through to.

At this point you want her to see you too. You hope she can see why you won’t fight back, why you deserve this. It isn’t because you fell but because you caused your old family pain and that was never you intentions.

You see her vessel show those human emotions, her pain is disguised as rage, your pain is out in the open for her to see.

She probably is mistaking your pain as regret for who you have become.

You let her believe it if it will help her.

You see how hard she is fighting for her lost brother, you see she knows she can’t save you.

You see her, you do, and you wish you hadn’t.

You wish you had refused to hear as she did.

You wish you were just the brother at no means to an end, trying to save your sister.

At least you could’ve justified your actions then.

How would she feel if she knew that you loved **_him_** , that you **_really_** loved him?

How would she react if she was forced to hear you devotion to another?

How would she feel to hear you protest her pleading glances and tell her you haven’t fallen but that you have been saved?

How would she feel to know that killing you wouldn’t save either of you or any other angels?

How would she feel to know that you pitied her when she thought that is what she was doing to you?

You see her, you do, and you want to take her innocent, childlike fear away.

You want to tell her it will be alright and that you'll come home and be a good little soldier, but you can't.

You can't and it hurts but you remind yourself that even though you see her, she's not your family anymore, she's no longer your home; she's not someone you can truly **_see_** anymore.

For the first time she actually sees you, as she goes to drive the angel blade into your submissive body. she sees you, she does, and she wishes she hadn't because it makes killing you that much worse if she succeeds in it.

  



End file.
